The Way I Loved You
by stars shine out
Summary: Gemma loved Sirius, and is beginning to wonder if she shouldn't have let him go. And, more importantly, how does one go about catching a dog the second time? Songfic of That's The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift. Sirius/OC, angst.


**So, I wrote this a while ago, because I really like this song, and I have a certain fondness for writing Sirius/OC fics. I also have a certain fondness for songfics, particularly of Taylor Swift's songs. BTW, the OC's name is Gemma. Why? Because I like the name. It's also a constellation! Or maybe a star, I don't remember. Oh, and Gemma is talking to Sirius. Well not really, she's writing a letter to him that she'll never send. Anywho,**

**Disclaimer: All things Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling. The song That's The Way I Loved You belongs to Taylor Swift. But Gemma is mine! :) **

**Gemma's POV**

_He is sensible and so incredible _

So, I've got a boyfriend, the first one since you. And he's incredible. He gets good marks, and has oodles of common sense. Unlike someone else I could mention.

_And all my single friends are jealous _

All of my single friends are jealous. Seriously, even some of my friends that aren't single are jealous. Why? Because he's a catch.

_He says everything I need to hear and it's like _

_I couldn't ask for anything better _

When I'm sad, he calms me down. He helps me see the sensible in bad situations. He helps me with homework.

_He opens up my door and I get into his car _

_And he says you look beautiful tonight _

Yes Sirius, he says beautiful. He does not call me hot, or sexy, unlike you. He says I'm beautiful, and it's more befitting of a lady.

_And I feel perfectly fine _

I do feel fine. Perfectly fine. Really Sirius, I do. …I mean yes, that's all I feel, not nervous, or all that excited, I don't get the adrenaline rush, or that ridiculous thrill like I did with you. But that's fine because I'm fine.

_But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain _

Alright, I admit it, I do miss it. I miss screaming at you in the middle of the street at midnight in the pouring rain. I also miss how you'd cut me off in the middle of a rant with a kiss.

_And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name _

I'm sitting up at 2 am, annoyed that thoughts of you have kept me up this late again. I'm over you! Really, I am.

_You're so in love that you act insane _

_And that's the way I loved you _

You liked to say that love makes people crazy. And I'm beginning to think you're right. I'm also beginning to think that I'm, well, not in love. Because I'm never crazy. I don't get driven insane. Unless I'm thinking of you.

_Breakin' down and coming undone _

I remember time after time, breaking down into tears, whether they were of frustration, anger, sadness, or even joy. I knew that every night after a date as I went to my dorm that my hair would be undone from whatever I'd done with it. My shoes would be to, if they weren't off. And more than often, my dress was too, and because we were too lazy to do it up again, I was wearing your jacket to hide it.

_It's a roller coaster kinda rush _

You gave me this enormous adrenaline rush. Being with you was like a roller coaster, there's some fear, but there's also this crazy joy that comes when you're just skirting the edge of danger, and if there's one thing I know about you, it's that you're danger. It should be your middle name. And not just because Sirius Hyperion Black sounds stupid.

_And I never knew I could feel that much _

_And that's the way I loved you _

You showed me I could feel so much more than I thought, and that's the way I loved you.

_He respects my space _

Unlike you. How many times did you try to break into my dorm again? Wasn't it something like 27 times? I thought so. And you gave me an extensive tour of Hogwarts broom closets, that's for certain.

_And never makes me wait _

Also unlike you. You were late for everything. EVERYTHING! Eventually, I started getting ready when you were supposed to arrive, so I wouldn't sit around waiting with nothing to do for half an hour.

_And he calls exactly when he says he will _

How many hours did I spend waiting for you to floo call? Too many to count. And how many times did you call early, hoping to catch me in a state of undress? Also too many to count.

_He's close to my mother _

_Talks business with my father _

I'll have you remember that my parents hate you. Actually, you probably haven't forgotten, as the last time you saw them, my mother spilled tea on you, on purpose, but she pretended it was an accident, and my father rigged the chair you sat on to collapse. Whereas him? My parents adore him. Actually, they adore him a little too much for my taste. But you can't have everything in life.

_He's charming and endearing _

_And I'm comfortable _

Yes Sirius, comfortable. I'll have you know that broom closets are not comfortable. Five star hotel rooms in London, however, are. Not that we've gotten there yet. He says he doesn't want to rush me. Unlike you.

_But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain _

_And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name _

_You're so in love that you act insane _

_And that's the way I loved you _

_Breakin' down and coming undone _

_It's a roller coaster kinda rush _

_And I never knew I could feel that much _

_And that's the way I loved you _

_He can't see the smile I'm faking _

I know, I know. A faked smile's not worth anything at all. You told me that. But I can't seem to come up with a real one.

_And my heart's not breaking _

Oh come on Sirius, you know you broke my heart almost every day, and don't deny it. You were always much too fond of other girls for my taste.

_Cause I'm not feeling anything at all _

Ok, I'll admit it. I'm not in love. I'm actually kind of numb. When he kisses me, I don't feel that spark I felt with you. When I look into his eyes, I don't want to drown in them. My heart doesn't leap in my chest every time I see him. When he talks to me, my heart beat doesn't speed up. I fell asleep at the movies when I went with him once. I never did that with you. Not that we saw any of the movies anyways, we were too busy snogging in the back. But still, I didn't fall asleep.

_And you were wild and crazy _

_Just so frustrating intoxicating _

Sirius, wild and crazy are the two most perfect adjectives to describe you. And you were frustrating. Very frustrating. And with you, I couldn't think strait. Half the time, I felt intoxicated just because of how fuzzy you always made my brain feel.

_Complicated, got away by some mistake and now _

Complicated also describes you smashingly well. But, as it turns out, I like complicated. I like wild and crazy. I like intoxicating. I also like frustrating, it turns out. Who knew? And you got away. Remind me how I let you get away again? Oh, right. The time you were snogging Betty White in that broom closet. That's when I claimed I'd had enough of your shenanigans. Well, it turns out…

_I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain _

I do. I really miss it. I miss the smell of rain in the air as I screamed my heart out at you, and then you cut me off with a kiss, your warm lips on mine, our breathing ragged.

_It's 2am and I'm cursing your name _

So I'm sitting up at 2 am, cursing your name, and I might be cursing myself for letting you get away.

_I'm so in love that I acted insane _

When you said that love makes people crazy, you were right. And I'm beginning to think I was crazy to let you go.

_And that's the way I loved you _

I loved you.

_Breaking down and coming undone _

I miss crying every other night, and sneaking into my dorm, half-clothed at 1 in the morning, trying not to wake my roommates.

_It's a roller coaster kinda rush _

It turns out I like roller coasters. Or, rather, I like roller coaster rushes. The kind of rush you give me.

_And I never knew I could feel that much _

_And that's the way I loved you oh, oh _

That's how I loved you. Oh, hell, who am I kidding Sirius? I don't need good marks, and common sense is boring. My friends were jealous of me having you, too. I don't really like being calm all that much. And anyways, my friends calm me down. That's kind of they're duty. And I don't really like seeing the sensible in bad situations. I'd rather see the hilarious, and that's what you showed me.

And I don't really like having him help me with homework, because unlike you, he doesn't kiss me while I'm in the middle of explaining something. Partly because he's the one explaining things, and partly because he's not really into PDA. Besides, I'm not all that into having all O's. I was fine with mostly A's, and a couple E's, and maybe the odd O in DADA every now and again. Plus, smart boyfriends are kind of boring. It's always better to be smarter than your boyfriend. No offence or anything.

And you know how he calls me beautiful? Well, then it feels like I'm some posh lady, going to a ball, and we both know that I'm just about the polar opposite of a "posh lady." I'm a Quidditch player for Merlin's sake! Which he doesn't approve of, by the way.

I feel... Fine. That's such a boring word. I'd rather be excellent, or marvelous, or even just awesome. Heck, great, or good is even better than fine. And I was excellent with you. I was marvelous, I was awesome, I was great, and I was good with you. Now I'm just fine.

And really, there is nothing better than kissing in the rain. Seriously Sirius, there is nothing better. And I like staying up at night, thinking about you. I'm a night owl, what can I say?

I miss being crazy in love. I really do. Because being sane is no fun. You have to be solemn, and serious, (and yes I know you're Sirius all the time, shut up.) and, horror of horrors, you have to concentrate in class! Thinking strait is boring. I miss being insane. I really do.

And, it turns out, I miss trying to avoid answering awkward questions in the morning when my dorm mates woke up to see me passed out on my bed, my hair a mess, my dress half undone, sleeping under your jacket. Turns out I enjoy coming up with completely nonsensical answers, and then running off shower before they can ask me anymore.

Most Quidditch players love skirting the edge of danger. And I am a Quidditch player. It might be a Gryffindor thing too. But being around you was like living on the edge of danger, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. And no Sirius, I don't really think Sirius Hyperion Black is a stupid sounding name. It's regal. So it doesn't fit your personality great. Well, at least Hyperion Black doesn't. But Sirius, after the dog star, well, it certainly suits you, you mutt.

It also turns out that I don't like guys who respect my space, because frankly, I'd rather have them up close and personal. Not that I'm a slut. I just.. well, when I love a guy, I like touring broom closets with him. I like that you never gave up on trying to fool that stupid staircase.

I actually don't mind guys who are late. Partly because I'm late most of the time anyways, so when you turned up late, I was only just barely ready. I kind of don't mind waiting for floo calls. It gives me an excuse to yell, and you know how much I enjoy yelling (another thing he disapproves of. He really is no fun.). After all, it was I who suggested the yelling contest in the first place. And I won. And with the whole call-early-to-catch-me-in-a-state-of-undress thing? I think it's cute. Quiet cute, actually. Maybe that's why I was conveniently changing all those times you called.

In case you'd forgotten, I'm a rebel. I don't really like having a guy whom my parents like. That was just part of your appeal. Besides, we did have a good laugh about the whole rigged chair thing later, didn't we?

And really Sirius, I don't care that much about comfortable. I'd rather do it with you in a broom closet than with him in a five star hotel any day. Just don't tell him I said that. Or maybe do, so he'll break up with me. And, also as it turns out, I quite enjoy being rushed. I honestly didn't know till I'd dated him. I didn't know you'd rushed me either. I mean, a year after we got together, is that such a rush? Apparently so.

Sirius, you're one of the only people on this planet who can get a genuine smile out of me when I'm sad. I kinda think you deserve an award for that. He, on the other hand, can rarely get a genuine smile out of me even when I'm happy.

I don't really mind heart break that much, as long as you're there to help me heal it. With him, I feel numb. Like, legitimately. I feel like I'm in a freezer. There's just no emotion inside me, accept for boredom. Is boredom even an emotion?

The fact that you got away is a very big mistake on my part. I wonder how one goes about catching a dog the second time…

Because yes, I am cursing myself for letting you go. I was crazy to let you go. And I loved you shouldn't be in past tense, because I do love you.

_And that's the way I loved you oh, oh _

_Never knew I could feel that much _

_And that's the way I loved you _

And I still love you, Sirius.


End file.
